Well hello there my old "friend"....

I know, I know, I know it's been a while since my fingers have graced this page. The one thing I realize about myself is that I tend to blog to make myself happy. When I'm already on a happy upward swing, it takes a little more effort. Not that this year didn't have it's moments, but for the most part it was pretty solid. With that said, I will challenge myself to continue to write (kinda easy when I actually love to do it).
It's been almost two years since I began my journey to a healthier me in body, in mind, and in spirit. Almost two years since I reluctantly stepped onto a scale in front of my family and my path of denial abruptly ended. Almost a year since my cheeks transformed into a smooth canvas to allow me to leave it bare or paint it with the colors of my choice, no longer under rosacea's control. I admit I continue to wake up in amazement that my cheeks stay clear on a daily basis. In fact I still want to stand on top of mountains to scream it!!!
But that is not what prompted my desire to post, it was ironically my old companion the scale. I forgot that it existed as it sat in my guest bathroom collecting dust. It was painful at first not to focus on my connection with it, but just like breaking up with a boyfriend time heals all wounds and my desire to see it faded. But this past Sunday I woke up with this strong need to see what my old friend could reveal to me. It probably been about 6 months since I had taken that step (I mean that leap) not because I didn't want to know my true weight, but because I didn't need to know it...it just didn't matter. I was truly out there enjoying life and all the moments it had allowed to cross my path. I held my breath as I waited for the numbers to appear, fearing what secret it was about to tell me, and to my surprise it stated 155 lbs!!! 155lbs means I am "within my ideal body weight" and can't even be called an "overweight dietitian", 155lbs means that I have lost 41lbs in less than 2 years with changing my attitude and behavior not by "dieting", 155lbs means that what I teach patients and clients is actually legit and that I'm actually helping people find their own epiphanies!
Now, 155lbs is still not my ultimate goal weight but I can tell you even before I weighed myself I have never been more confident in my entire life. I welcome the sound of a clicking camera pointed in my direction, I love when my children touch my face as they giggle, I walk confidently in the halls at work genuinely exchanging smiles with those who pass me, I can exchange a kiss and hold a gaze knowing that he is looking at my eyes not at my cheeks or that he thinks that I need to lose weight. This past year I experienced weddings, vacations, graduations, new friendships and relationships, and daughter going off to college but one thing I could not tell you is my weight in any of those moments. So can the weight game mindset be changed? I can confidently say "yes" because I have experienced it first hand.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

Sometimes a perfect storm occurs which allows us to view ourselves in a different light. For me this occurred on October 19th. Almost as profound as my divorce date, this day is the day I woke up with clear cheeks. How vein is it for me to say that? Is vanity another flaw I’m about to reveal about myself? It can’t be because vanity and my usually insecurity are not friends. Is it even more veining to say, I can’t stop looking in the mirror.
So those of you who actually know me, no explanation is needed, but for those of you who don’t…..About 10 years ago I developed a rosy glow that resided on my cheeks. At first it was extremely manageable and would only open its ugly head when I was drinking, tired, or working in a hot kitchen. After a few years of irritation because my normally natural self-began to wear foundation to mask the pink, I was diagnosed with Rosacea. “This usually doesn’t occur to someone in their 20s” my dermatologist stated, but lucky me, I am always exceptional at beating the odds. Unfortunately, this was not an odd I wanted to win. Since then I have taken an antibiotic and placed medication on my cheeks almost on a daily basis. Since Rosacea is autoimmune and is not curable, if not managed it can progress into a worse “rash”. Despite all of my effort, the disease continued to progress. This occurred simultaneously with my pregnancies and weight gain. I believe in the last 5 years I can count the days my cheeks have been “clear” on one hand. Then about a month ago I went to my normal quarterly dermatologist appointment. With tears in my eyes I stated “I want to worry about wrinkles, not break outs”. She then did something amazing, she listened to me. She put me on a medication that has proven to cure the breakouts in Rosacea in 85% of patients. Seriously?!! There is a pill?! Why did they not put me on this before? I guess the issue is, this is a last line of defense and the normal course of action was antibiotics and topical meds which usually works. Just why did it take them so long to start this part of the regiment? I guess I needed to cry earlier.
They told me it would probably take about 6 months, maybe even a year. I started taking this miracle pill and my “odds” beating came in handy…my cheeks were clear in 8 days!!!!! Seriously?!! Now it’s been about 3 weeks of clear cheeks, which is longer than my cheeks have been clear in years. Life changing! I knew my cheeks bothered me but was not aware how much. Did I tell you that it was life changing? I now wear eye makeup, jewelry, a different hairstyle…all worthy of my new clear cheeks. All things I didn’t realize I stopped doing probably to avoid the focus on my cheeks. People hesitantly said to me “wow your face looks so good, no offense”. No offense taken! I think it’s awesome. See why I keep looking in the mirror.
Even though this post is not about weight loss, it is about body image. My red cheeks still affected how I viewed myself. It had nothing to do with my character; again I’m still the same person. I just hold my head a little higher. So look at yourself, maybe there are other aspects that affect you. Maybe you can hold your head a little higher while in the process of losing weight. In body image, every little win counts.

O what I would do with an extra hour

What would you do if you had an extra hour? Would you keep it for yourself or give it away? Would you get caught up on sleep, go to the gym, take a bath, clean your house, volunteer, go to church, read, get caught up on bills, hang out with friends? My friends wishes do come true, tomorrow we get to experience the all elicit “extra hour”.
The truth is whatever you do with that hour can promote health. Wellness is actually not just about nutrition and exercise, it’s so much bigger. Spiritual, mental, emotional, social, financial wellness all plays their role in health and happiness. Stand on one leg and have someone slightly push you, do you fall? Now stand on both legs slightly apart, then push…do you fall now? When you have a solid foundation then it is easier to handle what life passes your way.
If you log onto yahoo or msn, streaming news lines always talk about studies associated with health and weight loss. There is truth that lack of sleep can hurt your ability to shed pounds. Stress associated with the economy can increase your midsection. Stress and lack of sleep are both associated with hormones that promote weight gain. Spirituality and friendships are associated with decreasing those same hormones. The problem is all of it is connected so there is truth in the studies but only if there is true balance.
Take a look at your life and look where your weakest link is. You may be exercising daily and eating healthy, yet your jeans continue to fit snugly. It’s all interconnected so if you are weak in one area you probably are weak in several. So take that extra hour tomorrow and start your journey to health and balance whether it’s sleeping, paying bills, or jogging…it all counts.

Trick or Treat?

In the nutrition world there have been many conversations of obesity and trick or treating. Does Halloween promote obesity among children? If your child is obese should you allow them to walk the streets of your neighborhood and beg for candy? How much candy should they eat once the bounty is collected? Should you give out healthy treats, nonedible treats, or candy? How do you, as a parent, avoid eating all the kids candy while their sweet little heads hit the pillow that night?
Halloween actually promotes its holiday accordingly in its tag line…it’s a treat! Promoting good eating habits is a daily thing. Understand that you can only truly control your children within the four walls of your house. As a responsible parent, attempting to control them in the outside world does not allow them to take the things that you teach them and allow them to apply it. Comparable to a teenager rebelling against their strict parents once they leave the nest, children will also do this with food.
First of all there is no such thing as an obese child, just risk for obesity. Their little bodies plump up and grow taller throughout their childhood. Studies do show that children who are overweight are at risk for being an obese adult. If your child has weight issues, or even if they don’t, as a parent you can promote a healthy weight by putting them in various activities such as sports. I put my daughter in soccer at 4 years old, she had no idea that she was exercising she was just trying to get the little ball in the goal (when she wasn’t sitting on the ground to “rest”). Eventually she began to understand the game and she played sports throughout high school.
As parents we need to take responsibility of our children’s habits and do everything we can to not promote body image issues. I’ve heard many parents slip and say “you should eat that because you need to lose weight”. Unfortunately, my friends with eating disorders can pin point it back to their mother, their dance teacher, their peers, or someone else they love or trust. The act of not allowing them to participate solely due to their weight, will probably backfire, and could become a weight issue memory as they mature.
The key to Halloween, as with everything, is moderation. Allow them to dress in their cute little costumes and parade around the neighborhood so that your neighbors know how lucky you are to have these beautiful children. Just don’t take them to ten neighborhoods or promote multiple nights of trick or treating when available. Children will remember the act of the evening, not that you stopped once you hit 20 houses. Think back on your childhood…do you remember? They will remember that they wore the Cinderella outfit that year, not that you drove to 6 different stores to buy it.
Once the candy is collected, go through it with you children and allow them to eat a set amount. Donate or throw away the candy that you would not normally eat. Practice what you preach and limit the amount that you should eat too. After a couple of weeks once the initial excitement has left, throw away the rest if it is too tempting to you (Unfortunately I just threw away last years batch last week after I found it hiding in the cabinet). The simple fact is Halloween candy is the perfect portion for your child and for you as long as you don’t eat the whole bag.
So when you try to decide if your children should trick or treat, make sure you think like a child but act like a parent. Halloween itself will not cause obesity….it just is a favorite childhood memory.

Your children are ALWAYS watching you...

My journey to become a dietitian was definitely not traditional. I struggled with my career path all through college until I basically had none. I knew I loved science and Biology seemed safe...although waiting tables for the rest of my life seemed apparent.
I just decided to take a couple of classes at a local college when my then 7 year old daughter said "mom, I want to go on a diet". A flash of eating disorders went through my brain. I realized that my girlfriends and I have loosely used those words in front of her on many occasions. As a guilty yet responsible parent and having absolutely no experience on how to not screw up this innocent pallet, I decided to take a basic nutrition class in college.
Although my motivation in taking this class was my daughter, I quickly realized how much this class affected me. I have struggled with my own body image issues my entire life. I remember in high school saying "I wish I was as skinny as..." and my friends would point out to me that I was (most of the time I was skinnier). Once a friend and her boyfriend put me in front of a mirror and made me look at myself. Okay, so maybe this is a normal teenage insecurity, but I didn't want it to be the fate of my own children.
My body image issues spilled into my twenties. As I got older and my beautiful sisters did too, it was evident that we had different body types. My sisters were lean, small boned, with oval faces and sharper features...unlike me who possessed a round face, regular sized bones, and obviously inherited the curvy hips. Although my weight was fine, it was difficult to compare and not feel inferior.
Immediately I knew I had to be a dietitian! I knew that I could truly help those who were in the same predicament as me. I already knew I was good at counseling/teaching others, now I had the tools. What I didn't realize is that I chose a degree that many of those with eating disorders chose. Whether it's because they want to have more control over their own eating disorder or if they had a natural curiosity of the subject due to their own research. I also chose a career that others will always judge my weight. What was I thinking?! I know what I was thinking, I was thinking "at least I'll always be skinny" but weight was not my issue my body image was. As my blog is called knowledge is not always power. It was almost easier to be overweight, than it is to work hard on my body and still be judged on unreachable goals such as an oval face.
Now that I am 35, my weight struggle is still evident. But I must keep it together for my children. They do as I do, not as I say. I cannot tell them to eat at the table then go sit on the couch. They will long for the day of their invitation to move to the couch or just do so when I am no longer there to coach them. They watch my eating habits very carefully.
I can already recognize the "snacking" trait among my toddlers. Seriously they can eat all day long if I allow it! But unlike the busyness they possess, we adults simply do not burn the amount of calories and one day that will change for them too! My original motivation to be a dietitian was my oldest daughter, now my desire to overcome my body image issues is all of my daughters. What is worth your motivation?

Every man has a right to a Saturday night bath. ~Lyndon B. Johnson

As the aftermath of waffles fill the air and the girls and I watch Princess and the Frog for the second time this morning, the refrigerator still haunts me. Overeating on the weekend is a common issue amoung emotional eaters. Unlike the stress of the work week, weekends are a time of relaxing and filled with happiness. As I stated before emotional eating is associated with happiness and boredom as well.
I actually feel as if I have my weekdays under control. I only eat Yoplait Yogurt from the preportioned container even though we have a beautiful yogurt bar that I created. I conciously make choices not to try every dish that my chefs prepares and limit to only new creations (even though I see the disappointment in their eyes). I still limit my drinking to only drinks with little calories (unsweet ice tea, coffee with spenda, water). I have a pack of gum at my desk while I budget, pay bills, work on performance appraisals to limit stress eating. My coworker brings in a Lean Cuisine everyday to control portions of her meals, but as the Director of Nutrition that is not an option since I must show my support to my staff and to those eat in retail area. Could you imagine how you would feel if the owner of a restaurant was eating a Lean Cuisine in their dining room? So basically I eat half my meal given to me or eat the heart healthy meal. I actaully do eat a Lean Cuisine type meal at supper to help control calories with little effort.
So how do you control the unpredictable weekend? You just work on it! Make concious decisions with every meal you eat. We tend to think "I already ate a bad breakfast the rest of the day it shot"...but it's not! Try to give yourself one meal on Sat and Sun that you can eat guilt free. Doesn't matter which meal. Personally I like to make breakfast on Saturday mornings, and then we might go out to lunch or dinner on Sundays. Limit your snacking and do an activity if you have a desire to snack. I personally blog, facebook, color with the girls. All activites are associated with a lazy weekend and take little effort. This helps because it keeps my hands busy and my trigger is I like hand/mouth motion, ie..eating grapes, pretzels, baby carrots, m&ms, sunflower seeds. I also no longer eat on the couch. If I have to sit at the table everytime I eat, it's another step I have to do which helps detour me.
The refrigerator does not have to haunt you, short of not grocery shopping and never having food in the refrigerator (tempting and unfortunately sometimes accomplished in my household). The key here is that controlling emotional eating is not a diet, it's controlling a behavior. At this point I also control calories to help lose the weight. Once I get closer to my goal weight, I will begin to add back the yogurt bar at work because I simply love it. I already have 5 out of 7 days under complete control, so weekends are the icing on the cake.

The day I began to wear glitter...again

When I was in college I began to wear glitter (literally). In every phase I went through (preppy, tomboy, hippy, sporty, girly, or all the above) one thing stayed constant, I wore glitter. Six years ago when I got married, I slowly began to lose the glitter. Maybe because I thought it was time to grow up, maybe because I began to forget who I was, maybe because my husband thought it was childish. Either way glitter was only a memory.
I went to visit North Carolina this past week and, honestly, this is my first week I began to feel myself again. Don't get me wrong, I was almost there, but not quit. Even though I did not grow up there, North Carolina is home. Indy has been good to me but there are so many people that I care about in NC. I know that as the years pass people move on, grow up, have families but there is something to say about a good support system. When I came back this week, I had about 20 people at work tell me that I "look different", "glowing", and "look so happy/pretty"...funny thing is I'm starting to look like me.
I've only lost about 10# this past 8 months (but if your counting thats over 25# lost in 10 months). Tonight my weight is 170.5# (again with the honesty), but what's great this is the first time I weighed myself in months. I was focusing on celebrating my friends new babies in Virgina and NC, drinking coffee with my 81 year old nana in Ohio, spending time with my friend in Delaware whose husband was deployed, helping my friend pick out a wedding dress in Nashville, taking my girls to Disney and the Florida beach, taking my oldest daughter to visit colleges, playing on the lake with my family in NC, and geocaching with my friend and her daughters in Chicago. I'm learning how to focus on the experiences.
Attitude and happiness has a lot to do with how you look. I weigh no less than I probably did a month ago, but yesterday I had a dozen people say that "you look good, you lost a lot of weight"...not because I have but because now I glitter.